Bored
by Kikyo56
Summary: What do you do when you bored with life? Every second Kikyou lives is now a second too long.
1. Uninterested

'When the battle's lost and won'-Shakespeare Macbeth

This is how I really write modern day stories.

The thing about life, as she found, is that it just kept going. Nothing ever really ENDED, it only paused. When this life was over, there was the afterlife, then reincarnation. So for someone to say that it was a sad end to his or her life, well that was a lie, for his or her life would just keep going, only out of sight. So what really ends life? Ends time?

I hear if you commit suicide, yours soul is damned to stay forever in purgatory, never moving forward, never stepping back. That's an end, of sorts. I lived in Tokyo, I ate as often as I wanted and enough cloths to fill the wardrobes of seven children, and they'd look stylish at that. I lived in an uptown apartment that I helped pay for with my mom and a nice snug bed. But still, something tugged at my soul, clinging to my hallow heart. I could be called a spoiled little brat who could have it so much worse and I should just thank the Gods for allowing this life to me, but I can't.

Life is hard.

It's not like mom and me ever have those stupid little fights over picking up your room, or cleaning this dishes. My mom and me hated living together, in fact we shifted our days and work times just to not see each other. She turned that way ever since dad left her for that slut that lived half way across town. I hated that woman more then I can explain, she made my blood boil. Before then mom loved me, she would go out of her way just to make me happy, but I suppose that was short term. She pressed pause.

"Kikyou-chan!" Chiyoko screamed, her hand waving high above her head like she was in some anime. "Hello" I replied and bowed slightly, smiling when my face presented itself again. Chiyoko was my best friend, at least in her eyes that's she thought I thought. I didn't really have any friends, mostly just people I said 'hi' to and for some reason they would talk to me about their most private things. Girls now-a-day mostly just talk about sex, and did it gross me out.

"So like, I was with my boyfriend last night and we rented a motel, and he wanted to do it, but I was like 'No' you know? And then he like turned me on so much I had to! But the motel people called and told us to keep it down, it was so funny!" Chiyoko talked and talked as the bus came nearer and nearer to school. I clapped my hands a few time quietly when we finally entered school doors.

It's a type pf pray, used to suppress evil. Its suppose to be a joke here.

"Hey Kikyou-chan!" Inuyasha said and slapped my back. This was my fiancé, Inuyasha. He didn't really need to add the 'chan' onto my name anymore, but no one is suppose to know we are together like that yet. I'm only eighteen after all. Inuyasha put his arm around my neck and grinned as we walked in the hallways. He was a bit too proud of our relationship for my blood. Suddenly he let go and I nearly flared up with anger.

You know that one girl at school who always hits on your boyfriend, even if you're right there? The one girl who hugs and hugs and just won't let go? Then because she dose that you move in even closer, and try and stop it by taking a hold of his hand or arm or for God's sake something, yet she still hugs and drools on him? Meet Kagome. Nothing about Kagome was 'bad'. She was nice girl; she was sugar sweet and never made enemies. Her and Inuyasha really ended up being friends long before I ever did, and they dated before we did so maybe it was just my insane jealously that made her innocent hugs seem like a dry hump, but something about her didn't rub me the right way.

"Kikyou-chan!" She screamed and jumped over and hugged me, and when I didn't return it I played it off as 'I'm so cool I don't give hugs'. Kagome pulled out the newest volume of 'Fullmoon' to show me, I didn't much like the anime and thought little of the plot, but the oh so cute picture were to die for. "Wanna borrow it?" She asked and before I could reply she shoved the book in my hand, gave Inuyasha a hug and ran down the hall.

Grrr.

---

After school Inuyasha and I usually go to a movie or something, and I bitterly say yes when he asks Kagome can tag along. Then the movie ends, I go to my shrine. I pray and pray, and beg for a better tomorrow. The days would seem to get a little better from someone else's point of view, but because I still feel empty. So the Gods were granted my wishes, I just wanted more. Selfish, huh?

---

Days would slink by so slowly, taunting me as I stared at the clock resting on the wall and the hands just not moving. Summer break was nearing, and bitter I still was at life. I was bored with life. Everything seemed so damn pointless. Sure I could take a subway downtown and get a new manga, or cd, but I just didn't want to. Sure I put on a good movie, entertain myself for a short time but I didn't want to. I was too bored to even move off my bed today. I hated this boredom with life. I needed something different, someone new.

That's when I met Sango. She wasn't much of a talker; she hated most of her life to start with. She kept to herself a lot and would only glance up to glare at someone when they said something she thought was stupid. But she was Sango no less. She stood out to me because I thought she really didn't care what anyone thought of her. I longed for that same feeling. I longed to be able to tell people I listened to the bands they are got over years ago, and I liked eating strange things like hot and spicy squid with sushi wrap (home made). But I couldn't.

"Hey" I tried to say coolly as I sat down beside Sango in the lunchroom. All the girls looked over, some even laughed while looking at me, but now was good a time as any to try not caring. "I'm Kikyou" I smiled and Sango flickered her eyes upward at me, then looked back at her manga. "I know" She replied, her foot was placed on the side of the table and her manga rested on her knee as she sat.

It was probably the most awkward yet life changing things ever.


	2. So fed up

Ok so lately in my life I just been as bored as Kikyou. I don't know, it seems so meaningless, it just keeps going. I mean everyday I go to school, I sit down and I take in stuff I know I'll never need again or stuff I already know, yet I do everyday. So I suppose this whole story is just my life with different names. Kikyou is me, Sango is the girl I long to meet.

Chapter two: So fed up.

'I was… bored'- Death Note

Sango was as different as they come in my school. Even if I lived in Tokyo I didn't much hang with cosplayers or Goths, and in my school there was only one. Sango didn't really dress Goth to tell the truth, she did always wear a black something, either a top of pants. She had one long black over coat, but it wasn't super Goth either. She sat alone in all her classes, she didn't write down anything nor did she seem to take anything in yet always scored high. All the girls seemed to hate her, all the guys made fun of her by saying she was just as manly as them. But she didn't care. In fact they'd shut their traps the second she looked up and gave her signature glare.

So after that I use to sit beside her, and eat near her. At first she glared at me, and I cringed inside a little but I tried to not care what anyone thought, not even her. It was all a complete lie of course, I cared what she thought more then anyone. Finally as I was sitting near her I pulled out a new anime I saw which I thought she might have liked 'Le portrait de petit Cossette' and placed it on the table. I shifted in my bag to make it look as if I didn't place it there with inner purpose. When I looked back up it was in Sango's hands.

"Oh, you like that anime?" I asked and reached across the table but she yanked it away from my hand. Then I was scared to get robbed. "Yah, Cossette is awesome, but the painting version of her is even better" She said and opened the case. I nodded and pulled out my lunch, there was enough food for two. Sango pulled out the poster it came with then looked at me and smiled, for the first time. "Did you know you can flip the cover?" She asked and I shook my head. She pulled out the picture in the front and flipped it over so I could see there was a pose on the other side. I grabbed the cover from her hand. "Wow!" I said happily.

"Want some?" I asked and pushed my lunch towards her. I could tell she was at battle with herself, her mouth would open a little then snap close and finally she said "No". I shrugged and bit in my lunch, happy she finally talked. After that I brought my darkest manga, Elfen Lied also turned out to be a favourite of hers. We talked of the amount of gore in each one and then how dark it is and how dark it should be. Finally we hung out after school one day and as we sat alone at the bus stop, she pulled out a cigarette. She didn't ask but instead handed me one and lit up hers then passed me the lighter. "So whats your story?" She asked and I shifted my weight. "Well, my dad left my mom a while ago to be with some slut across town"- he also took my only sister with him- "and now my mom seems to blame me for all of it" I said and fiddled with the cigarette.

"Yah, well my dad and mom passed away about six months ago, then foster parents came in and separated me and my brother. Now they've turned him on me, I just know it because no matter what he won't talk to me. I don't care that much, because I'm still fighting to get custody of him. I will one day, I just hope he doesn't utterly hate me by then" She took a puff of the cig and then flicked it out when it was only half way done. She stood up and snapped her fingers in my face, and I placed the cigarette in her hand. "God, if you don't smoke Kikyou just say so" She said and flashed a smile.

---

I picked up my phone and fell on the big couch. I didn't have to work tonight and mom wasn't home due to her own accord, so I thought I'd try to meet up with Inuyasha. I began to dial half his number then stopped and hung up. I didn't want to meet up with him so he could grope me and beg for sex, I was still a virgin and dead scared of losing my innocence. I was scared I just wouldn't feel… clean. With that thought in mind I dial Sango's number.

At first I couldn't hear much, her voice kept cutting off and her throat sounded raspy. "What do you want?" She asked, rudeness about her words. "Sorry if you didn't" I started but she cut me off. "Sorry I'm just trying to stop the bleeding," She said and I heard the phone drop. When I knew it was by her ear again I asked "Whats wrong?" "Nothing my wrist are just badly cut open" She said and sighed. "WHAT?" I screamed and sat upright; gripping the phone not sure if I should rush over there or not. "I normally just cut a little to make me feel death, but today man I went too far and now it feels so cool" She said and laughed. She was laughing? At what?

"I'm coming over there!" I yelled and started towards the door. "Don't need too, I mean I'm fine it just a cool feeling. Its like being stoned or something, slowly falling asleep and slipping away. Its nice". I couldn't believe it, "Don't fall asleep!" I yelled and she laughed. "Well duh, if I fall asleep I'm done for, dead as can be. So I stay awake and blood stops," She said again, I could picture the grin on her face.

"Sango! I didn't know you did such things!" I cried and griped the couch pillow. She sighed and chuckled to herself "Oh right, you wouldn't know, I always wear long sleeves". I didn't know how to react at first, who was I too say to Sango she shouldn't do that? "Sango, I, I" I stuttered. "Listen to you, its like I'm dead or something, calm down! Bye!" She giggled and hung up the phone.

For a while I just sat and listened to the dial tone before finally clicking 'off'. My gut sunk and I couldn't feel anything but numbness. Who could do that to themselves and act perfectly normal about it? I walked to the bathroom and pulled out one of my leg razors. I then ran to the kitchen and pulled out a knife. I stabbed the plastic side of the razor over and over until it finally broke open. Four super thin razors fell onto the kitchen counter, and so did little bits of plastic. I picked up one of the razor to notice it was as flimsy as paper, and I could bend it just by holding it to hard. I grabbed the rest of the razor and threw it into the garbage, still holding the one in my hand.

I walked to my room and sat down on the bed. Rolled up my sleeve and placed the razor to my skin. I pulled back then and thought about mom finding out, I couldn't let her. I grabbed the calf of my leg and slid the razor across it. It was hard to explain, it didn't really hurt. It stung a little, only for a few seconds. Then it felt good, really good. Like I was releasing some sort pain held up inside and all the boredom with life I felt a second ago was gone. Sango was right, it was nothing big to worry about, in fact it was good! People should embrace this!

I loved this.

(Hee, thing is with the whole leg razor thing is really the first time I ever cut myself, and the razor inside those leg razors really are flimsy, but they cut none the less.)


	3. I’m still here

Bored with life

Chapter Three: I'm still here

Kikyo56: The Following chapter goes out to my friend Brook, I hope in some messed up way this helps.

Since I didn't stand out much at school, I didn't ever have to worry about getting in a fight. No one hated me, or liked me. Inuyasha stood out, popular and demanding for attention, but not me. I was just that girl that stood beside him, that girl who just a phase. That's all I ever was, and I didn't know if that made me happy or unhappy.

Sango was different too. Every girl hated her, and insults were common ground. But this was all done behind her back, no one wanted to think what friends that creepy bitch might have, and the crazy friend was I. I never said I was the only one; I liked the fact that Sango could produce that much fear without ever really doing much. I never thought for a second anyone would hate me for hanging around her.

It was around lunchtime and Sango made a habit of sneaking off too bum a smoke off some random person in the street, so I ate alone for about twenty minutes. As I bit into my other piece of sushi about five girls stood around me, the leader of the pack a little closer. "Yes?" I asked and one of the girls grabbed my hair, pulling me upwards.

Fear struck me hard, I was frozen. What do I do? What if they stab me? What if they know other people and I fight back and they make it worse? Do I act like its really hurting me, or do I try and scare them? How do I scare a group of girls when I'm some loner!? "So you're hanging around with Sango huh?" The leader said, grabbing a chunk of free hair. "That bitch stole 2000 yen from me before!" "The cunt tried to fight me before" "She is fucking whore" One after another I took in lies, or truths.

"SO?" I screamed and grabbed her hand, pulling it along with my hair. Tears sprung into my eyes due to the pain of it, but I didn't let them see that. "SO?" The girl on the left screamed and slapped me across the face "So we kick the ass of every and anyone who hangs around her!" She yelled. "KICK _HER_ ASS!" I screamed and punched something but hair was in my eyes along with some salty water so I couldn't see what I punched.

Suddenly I fell to the ground and a hand was on my shoulder, and Sango's voice came to me "Yah you better run you little bitches!" I sat up and rubbed my head, my hair was tangled and the spots that were pulled were hot and burned. "Was that your first time ever getting your ass kicked, girl?" She asked and offered her hand. I hated her at that moment, so I slapped her hand away. "Hey, come now, you can't tell me you are going to let THEM get to you" Sango said, grinning at me.

I didn't want to say I had never been in a fight, as if it were something to be ashamed of, so I just smiled and stood up. "Sorry, spur of the moment" I said and rubbed the back of my head. "Hey, wanna skip the rest of school?" She asked and picked up the one piece of sushi that hadn't been on the ground and ate. "Sure" I said and threw my bag over my shoulder. Personally I wanted to say no, I needed to go to math since I was never really good at it, but Sango seemed the safest person to be around right now.

We walked down the main roads, stopping to stare at the Gothic Lolita dresses that stood boldly and beckoned me to them. I ran my fingers across the pane of glass and turn to Sango to tell how if I'd own that I wear it out everyday, not caring is some may consider it over done. Sango patted my back and laughed, saying I was coming along nicely.

We sat alone in a park now, staring at the sky as it darkened. We didn't say anything for a while, in deep thought about life. "Do you really hate life, Kikyou?" Sango asked, turning to me with half glassy eyes. I had Inuyasha, and he treated me like a queen but I didn't love him. Not in the same way. I couldn't feel anything strong for him, and if he left me now I don't think I'd really care.

I didn't care about anyone aside from Sango now; everyone had their own agenda and they all were going to pass me by some day. I would live, I would die and I would be forgotten. "Yah, I think I do. There is no upside to it, only a downside that we stick to for 80 something years. Then, we pass away. That's all it is," I said and blinked, these words that would get to most didn't brother me. It's all true, so why should I live in a lie? Sango nodded and looked upwards. "Those socks doesn't hide those scars" She said and I looked towards my leg, my gut dropping a little.

"I don't care, I only did it once" I said and leaned on the cold metal poll. "Bet it felt good" Sango said and started to roll back her sleeve, more cuts then I could count under the fabric, she was wrong, it did at the time but I felt terrible for doing it. "I like looking at these, I don't know why, but its comforting" She said and closed her eyes, smiling. Just looking at that made my gut drop, and my throat close. She took out another smoke and lit it up, staring into the sky. It was a depressing day out, the sky black like blue, the clouds covering and hiding every bit of light and it seemed like rain would start any minute. "Well, do you wanna die Kikyou? Hmm? We could do it, us together" She said, leaning in close to me. She pulled out a pocket razor, showing me.

I shook me head, trying to play it off as if she was joking, trying to convince her she was, but it didn't work. "Kikyou, why don't we? What have we got to lose?" She asked, placed the razor to her wrist. Suddenly it hit me, full force, something I should have been thinking all along but didn't. I grabbed the razor, snatching it out of her hand, standing up. "You shouldn't even think this!" I yelled and she stared at me hate in her eyes.

"Don't you want Kohaku back? Have you forgotten about him?" I said and she gasped, shaking a little. "Shut up" She said and I shook my head again, slowly. "No Sango, listen. How do you think you'll ever get him back with those scars? They won't hand over a child to someone who is trying to kill themselves. You should show how to be strong, how to over come the odds, not give in" I snapped.

"Where the hell is this all coming from! You hated life a second ago!" She yelled, standing up. "Your mother treats you like crap and your father left you, you cut yourself and act like you hate life soooo much, then turn it on me like I'm the bad person!?" She screamed, her hands balled into fists. I thought for a second, staring over the razor which must have been sharpened the night before. "Yah my mom takes a lot of her anger out on me for what dad did, but I guess I remind her of dad. Dad is a asshole and should be treated like trash, but why should I ruin my life over that? I only cut myself once, and I'll never do it again. It was stupid thing, and I shouldn't look up to you for that. I don't think I ever hated life, I just didn't like it much. I thought all this would help, but good comes out of this?" I asked holding up the razor.

Sango is glaring at me now, I can tell any respect she had for me is gone. "You just put on a show, you're a bitch! Why keep living life when all it is is black?" She asks, grabbing the razor out of my hand.

"_Because Sango, I'll keep living for the hope and so called 'promised happiness', even if it never comes". _

After that Sango never talked to me again, a year passed and me and Inuyasha stayed together, but we still haven't married. He never asked why I was depressed, or why I didn't want to marry him, he understood. Kagome and me never really became friends, but all three of us are able to hang out and have fun. Later that year Sango killed herself by jumping from a building, she left a 'last wish' which was to have it appear somewhere in the newspaper, it appeared on page 123. In the end, I was reunited with Keade years later, and she said she missed me everyday. I don't think I'll ever become like Sango, but that's not to say I don't still fight depression, every month is a new struggle. But I live on, I'm still here.

'If you were right and I was wrong,

why are you the one whos gone, and

I'm still here?'

Lyrics: I'm still here

Band: Vertical Horizon.


End file.
